Duplicity

I find it difficult wearing masks. Metaphorically speaking. I’ve never really worn many actual masks to have an opinion on them.

People don’t always express their emotions, especially the negative ones. One might greet someone with a pleasant smile and a warm handshake only to spit on them once their backs are turned. That’s not something I can do. If I don’t like someone, I try to avoid talking to them or keep the conversations short. I want them to know that we’re not friends without actually insulting them to their face. But I won’t pretend to be their best friend. I suppose I’m not the most politically savvy person around.

Networking’s a big thing, especially here, and I’ve sometimes been told to make friends with unpleasant people because it can help form a connection for future business. I say screw that. Climbing to the top of the corporate ladder doesn’t interest me. I’ll just sit on the middle rung and have a sandwich. As an introvert, I’m very picky about the people that I make friends with and talk to. And ultimately, I’m interested in their value as people rather than the financial or political advantages the can bring me.

That’s just a waste of time. I’d rather focus on forming solid human connections with a handful of people instead of schmoozing with everyone to achieve career ‘success’.

Advertisements

With This Ring I Thee Wed….Someday

Yesterday’s post got me thinking about relationships. It seems almost everyone I know is either married, getting married or in a committed relationship. It kinda feels weird being single.

As I’d mentioned previously, I’ve come across a few people who believe in marriage as an ultimate goal and keep reminding me that I’m running out of time. I didn’t realize there was a deadline (other than the literal ‘dead’ line, I suppose), but apparently I need to get moving.

Personally, I don’t think I’ve got the emotional maturity to handle marriage right now. It’s a very big commitment and I don’t want to make any sort of lifelong vow that either ends up being broken or binds me forever into a relationship from which there’s no escape. I also don’t want to be the asshole that screws up someone else’s life because I got married to ‘beat the clock’. That being said, I would like to be in some sort of relationship. ‘Single and loving it’ I’ve often said, but rarely meant.

There is, of course, the matter of finding the right woman. That’s something of a prerequisite, from my understanding. I have no idea how to get there either. When I was in high school, friends and loved ones would tell me there was no rush for a relationship. There was someone meant for me and I’d find them eventually. It was such a comforting and romantic notion at 15. Now, it’s horseshit.

What are the chances that exactly one person in this whole world is exactly right for me and that they are also somewhere in my immediate vicinity? Not so good. Where do I even begin to look? Bars? Clubs? Steakhouses? I have no clue. I’d briefly considered online dating as an option before discovering that online dating sites are blocked in Dubai. So that’s one road closed off.

As with most things in life, I find myself in two minds. On the one hand, there is an elusive quest to find someone that can look past my various idiosyncrasies, laugh at my corny jokes and supply some corny jokes of her own. On the other hand, can I handle bringing someone else into my world and letting them become an important part of it? Am I ready for that kind of responsibility and commitment?

It’s a difficult question to ponder. So I just play video games instead.