Searching for the Unknown

The 16th assignment of Writing 101 tasked us with finding inspiration from our stats page, looking for any trends or anomalies to structure a post around.

My stats are fairly boring, mainly thanks to my sporadic posting schedule. The most recent posts have the most views and most of my readers are from the US, UK and Australia. Alright. Great. The most common referrers to my site are Google and the WordPress Dashboard. Nothing groundbreaking there. Nobody ever really clicks on any links. That’s not too surprising either. When I read an article or blog post, I usually don’t click on a link unless it leads me to something that’ll lend more context to the article in question. The most common search terms that lead people to my site are ‘unknown search terms’.

Hmmmm…

Unknown search terms. That’s intriguing. What are people searching for that’s bringing them here? Presumably, they’re searching for a fun, quirky and exceedingly well-written blog created by a charismatic, intelligent and devilishly handsome young man whose scattered gray hairs are a sign of refinement and not premature aging. But that seems a tad wordy for a search engine. So, after conducting some thorough search engine research (which primarily consisted of sitting slack-jawed in front of my computer and daydreaming), I have come up with the top 10 search terms, presented in no particular order, that may have brought people here.

  1. How to woo a vampire
  2. Do minotaurs lay eggs?
  3. Cheating death, chess, checkers, cards
  4. Making the perfect souffle
  5. 15 secrets to flawless skin
  6. Mastering golf, time & space
  7. Marilyn Monroe wendigo
  8. What is human existence really worth as we go through our brief lives on this tiny rock careening through a vast universe whose furthest corners are unknown to man?
  9. Batman
  10. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

Bear in mind, these are just my best guesses based on rigorous analysis. What are people really searching for as they stumble onto this humble little blog? I am afraid the real answer shall remain…unknown.

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