A Better You

Today’s prompt asks us to make a list. Sounds simple. I can make lists. But…what do I list? How long will it be? What order will it be in? Will there be an order? Ah…not as simple as I’d thought. The good folks at Writing 101 have provided some idea for things to list, such as My Wishes and Things I Like. That sounds nice.

To be honest, it also sounds a bit boring. I mean, I could sit here and list my favorite books or movies or just general things I enjoy, such as eating slices of cake the size of my head or sleeping in until morning is a distant memory. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’ll compile a list of an entirely different sort.

I’m going to list some motivational tips for mass murderers and homicidal psychopaths. Do you want to get the most out of your killing sprees? Are you looking to strike terror into the hearts of, well, everyone? Then keep these handy tips in mind and you won’t believe how notorious you’ll become!

The 7 Habits of Highly Psychotic People

  1. Planning

    Never startle what you can’t finish.Scaring the weak and infirm? Good. Trying to scare the tough or the armed? That won’t end well. For you.

  2. Belief

    In order to succeed in life, you need to believe in yourself and your goals.So I want you to close your eyes. Think about what you want in life. Really, really concentrate on that. Visualize your goal with complete clarity.

    Then stab it.

  3. Strength

    Always remember, you are far stronger than you think you are. And far more dangerous than they will ever realize.

  4. Nutrition

    You are what you eat. If you eat a lot of fat, you’ll get fat. If you eat a lot of healthy foods, you’ll be healthy. If you eat the heart of an Elder God, you’ll be unstoppable.

  5. Teamwork

    There is no ‘I’ in ‘team’.But if you rearrange the letters of ‘team’, you get ‘meat’. Delicious, delicious meat.

  6. Happiness

    Whistle while you work. It’ll drown out the screams.

  7. Passion

    Ultimately, whatever you choose to do in life, you’ve got to put your heart into it. Though it’s better if you can use someone else’s.

Just follow the above tips and in no time at all, you will feel like a completely new person, one with no regard for the laws of man or nature. I guarantee it!*

*I make no guarantees on the effectiveness of these tips in making you a better psychopath. Also, for legal reasons, I must ask that you do NOT, under any circumstances, follow these tips. I will not be responsible for your completely bonkers actions, and any legal fees, therapist’s bills or bail money that may be incurred in the future.


4 thoughts on “A Better You

  1. You forgot to add stalking to your planning list. It is really good to know your victims. Stalking them and creating a plan on how to abduct them is essential. You need a quiet place without cameras and people. Not. Some of the best places to take someone is right in the middle of a crowd. You should also add great places to bury your bodies to the list. Like at the country club the chief of police attends. Under the boat of the prosecuting attorney. The hunting lodge of the mayor. Those type of places are very useful when one needs a fast spot to dump a body. Over all, a pretty good list for murder. Oh and clean up of evidence. That could be a list all of its own.

    Liked by 1 person

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