It’s not easy being a neurotic blogger. Or just neurotic, generally. But when you add in a social platform, things just get worse.
I started blogging as a sort of writing exercise. A way to practice doing what I enjoyed, and to tell a few fun stories that I had in mind. I wasn’t sure if mine voice was a voice that people wanted to hear, though I hoped that would be the case. Things were slow in the beginning, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Would it be better just to shut it all down? Scribble my thoughts in a journal that nobody would ever read?
But then, things started to pick up. I started my blog over from scratch, and created a second blog dedicated solely to fiction. And people were reading! It was amazing to see my view and like count rising day by day. I was picking up new followers by the handful. Maybe I’d made the right choice after all. Blogging life was good.
Then over the past week or so, there was a downturn. My stats took a pretty sharp dive and don’t seem to have recovered from it. What happened? I have a partial answer to that question. The rush of new likes was too addictive. I forced myself to publish something every day, even when I couldn’t think of anything to write. I’d try and cobble a story together and send it off into the world, hoping it would survive. That seemed to work for a while. But I think I overtapped my creative well.
Surely that’s not all of it, though? Have my recent stories been that dull? I’ve enjoyed the challenge of creating something even when I didn’t have a solid concept in mind, and the process of forming a little tale out of thin air. I’m actually quite proud of the ones that come out of nothing. But few seem to agree of late. I’m not entirely sure if this is a temporary slump or if I’ve taken a wrong turn with my blog. I have no idea how to get things back on track. What if this is the future of my blog? Part of me knows that’s a ridiculous idea, but currently, a bigger part of me is freaking out.
I’m not as concerned about this blog because it is, ultimately, about my personal ramblings. Some people will appreciate them, others will shrug and go on with their day. As long as I’m reaching out to someone out there, it’s all good. But my fiction blog is my baby. I want it to be seen, I want the stories to be liked and to be discussed. There was just one major fear holding me back from publishing it in the first place: What if my writing isn’t good enough? About two weeks ago, that fear seemed laughable. Now, I’m not so sure.
I guess all I can do is keep writing.