Don’t Call Me And I Won’t Call You

I really hate talking on the phone. It might just be my least favorite form of communication.

The whole idea of talking without engaging my other senses in the conversation drives me crazy. You’re fully there with a person when talking face to face (unless you just text while the other person’s talking to you and respond with the occasional ‘uh-huh’, in which case, please walk into a tree while gawping at the screen), and even instant messaging or texting requires some sort of active engagement.

But a phone call? It’s just your voice. You could be washing the dishes or cooking dinner while on the phone, and personally I’d rather just do that than have the distraction of someone yapping in my ear at the same time. The other option is to forget about other distractions and have a phone call. That’s a nightmare. To just sit down and talk and talk and do nothing else. Again, that’s not really a problem when the person’s sitting right in front of you. But I have no interest in spending hours, or minutes even, with a disembodied voice on the phone.

It’s why I always try to keep my calls as short as possible. Hello, how’s it going, the point of the call, goodbye. I don’t want to hear about how your day’s been or how that guy you saw in the grocery store kind of looked like Asian George Clooney. Save that for when we see each other, or just text me about it.

My favorite kind of phone call? Ordering takeout. It’s so simple. You call the restaurant, they take your order and you’re done. No additional conversation, no meandering monologues. Conduct your business, then put the phone down and move on.

I wish it were always so simple.


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