Conversations With A Strange Mind: Death to Groundhogs

“What a week!”

“I know, right? All that stuff happened, and then we did those things…talk about a wild ride!”

“Yeah, totally.”

“How long do you think before people catch on that we’re just making things up?”

“Well, now that you’ve explicitly spelled it out? I think they’ve caught on.”

“Oh…right…”

“Man, it’s hard to believe another week’s flown by already. I mean, what did we even do?”

“Well, let’s see…work, play video games, eat, sleep, work, watch TV, make blog posts, work, eat, sleep..”

“Yeah, alright, I get it. But it’s just all so…I dunno..”

“Boring? Tedious? Mindlessly mundane?”

“I was going to go with ‘routine’, but thanks for the morale boost.”

“Sorry. Guess you are kind of a drag, huh?”

“Not helping.”

“Well, what do you have lined up for the coming week? Must be some pretty exciting stuff going on!”

“Oh yeah, sure! I’ve got some articles to finish for work, gonna continue my games, push out a few blog…pos…hmm…that sounds just like last week..”

“You’re right, it does. The same thing all over a – holy time loops! You’re stuck in a time loop!”

“Say what now?”

“You’re stuck in a time loop! How else do you explain each week feeling just like the last? It’s because it’s all the same week, playing on repeat!”

“Well, it’s not exactly the same week. I mean, some things are different.”

“Of course they are! Each time you re-enter the loop, you perform your actions a little differently, maybe carrying over some lessons you learned in the previous iteration. So you might say that history…*mimes putting on sunglasses*…doesn’t repeat itself.”

“I don’t even…did you just say ‘mimes putting on sunglasses’?”

“Yeah, you know, for dramatic effect.”

“Why not just say ‘puts on sunglasses’? You’re miming a pretend action?”

“Well, you know, umm…we have to kill a groundhog!”

“What?!”

“It’s like the movie Groundhog Day. You’re stuck in a time loop until you kill a groundhog!”

“I don’t think that’s how Groundhog Day ends.”

“Have you watched it?”

“Well, no..”

“Then that could be how it ends, as far as you know.”

“What? No. I’m pretty sure I would have heard about that ending by now.”

“Perhaps you’re not as culturally savvy as you think. Did you know, for example, that The Lord of the Rings was originally about a telephone operator?”

“That…just isn’t true.”

“Alright. I’m still killing a groundhog though.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Then off we go!”

“Go where, exactly? Groundhogs are native to North America.”

“Ah.”

“Yep.”

“Do you remember how this whole discussion started?”

“Yeah, I said, ‘What a week!'”

“I know, right? All that stu – “

“Stop that!”

“Curse you, groundhogs!”

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