Non-Sequitur

“Hey guess what? It’s free writing day today!”

“It is?”

“Yeah! You can write about whatever you want! No prompts, no twists, just you, baby! Go for it!”

“Alright! Free writing! I can write about…write about…huh…write about what?”

“Well, I mean, surely there’s something you wanna talk about. Something you wanna throw out there for the good public to read.”

“Yeah! Course there is! It’s just…just..I don’t know what it is.”

“You don’t know?”

“No.”

“Shouldn’t you know?”

“Shouldn’t you? You’re my brain, Start giving me ideas!”

“Oh, great. Once again, it’s up to me. I’ve gotta do everything around here, don’t I?”

“As a brain, isn’t that kind of your job?”

“Well maybe I need a break.”

“I think you’ve had enough breaks already.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve almost thrown away important papers or almost walked into doors because you weren’t paying attention?”

“Hey! I was thinking about important stuff.”

“Video games are important stuff??”

“No, you’re right. You should just stop buying them. It’s not like you’re really interested in them anyway.”

“What are you talking about? I love video games!”

“So you’d say they’re important to you.”

“…”

“Thought so.”

“Would you mind terribly if we got back on track? I still don’t have anything to write for my free writing piece.”

“Ok, ok, let’s think. Well, I’ll think. You just sit there. As always.”

“Oh for – ”

“I’ve got it! You could write about your failed romances!”

“What?!”

“Yeah, you could write about the various crushes you’ve had and the relationships that didn’t work out!”

“Sure. That’s what people want to read. How much I suck at romance.”

‘Yeah, it’ll be great! You could talk about your awkwardness when it comes to flirting and how you’re kind of like a rom com heroine right now!”

“A rom com heroine? That’s just sad. I don’t wanna be a rom com heroine! I wanna be a rom com hero. You know what? Screw rom coms! I wanna be the action hero who saves the day and gets the girl!”

“Saves the day from what? Long commutes? Kitchen disasters?”

“It’s a fantasy. We can invent something for the hero to stop.”

“That’s it! Why don’t you write a fiction piece? People love those. Tell em a story!”

“Yeah, ok. I can do that. A story. But what story?”

“Hmm…I dunno. You could..ahh..oh, I’ve got it! I’ve got the perfect story! Oooh, this is gonna be so good! They’ll love it!”

“Awesome! So what’s the story?”

“Alright, well, it’s about this boy called Jack. He’s really lazy and isn’t much help to his poor widowed mother. Anyway, one day she sends him to the market to sell the family cow, cos they’ve got no money, see? And he meets this guy who’s selling these beans, and – “

“Jack and the Beanstalk?”

“…What?”

“You’re describing Jack and the Beanstalk.”

“Hey, that’s a great name! Jack and the Beanstalk…I like it. But how’d you know there’d be a beanstalk? Did I foreshadow too much with the open – “

“No, Jack and the Beanstalk was only my favorite fairy tale, that’s how I know!”

“Whaa? What are you talking about? This is a totally original story. I just made it up right now.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You made up the story of Jack and the Beanstalk?”

“Completely original.”

“Does your story, by any chance, involve a castle in the clouds, a giant who says ‘Fee Fi Fo Fum’ and a singing harp?”

“…”

“Does it?”

“…”

“There you go then.”

“Ok..so..umm..ok. Forget Jack and the Beanstalk. You could..uhh..”

“No, forget it. We’ve spent all this time talking about nothing and I still don’t have a blog post! We’re suppose to write like 400 words! I can’t even string 4 words together right now!”

“The length of that previous sentence says otherwise.”

“Shut up.”

“Well you’re rude. So we’re done here?”

“Yeah, shut it down. No post today.”

“Great. I’ll go on break then.”

“Hey, now wait just a – OW! Where the hell did this door come from?!”

“Later, chump.”

“Come ba – DAMMIT! Stupid doors!”